I was 16 when I first thought of committing suicide. I argued with my parents often then. I was failing in school that year and getting high most days. I was already depressed when I had a string of family members die back to back. I remember sitting in my room crying; I just wanted the pain to end.
I remember later on in life thinking how stupid it was to commit suicide. In 2007 I had another group of deaths happen to people who were close to me. This time it was my friends. Tuesdy Gaines, Steve Farmer, Bo Barnes, and Kenny Morton all died within a 3 month period. One of these stuck out most of all though. Kenny Morton, a very close friend, shot himself in his backyard. I can still remember everything I did the day that I received the news. For years his death stuck out like a sore thumb in the back of my head.
I always questioned it. Why do people choose to end their life? They say, suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Let’s face it, we all have problems. What if the problems we have never go away though? Needless to say, I have had a rough life. Nothing sticks out more than this. On April 18, 2008, I lost my first born son Christian. His death changed my life in ways I never thought possible.
Suicide had always been a thought, tucked back deep in my brain. It became reality in 2014. I had just kicked a very addictive drug habit, when I met Jenny. Jenny was manipulative to say the least. She conned her way into my family with ease. Three months into the relationship things had gone south. We were arguing every day, she was drinking every day, and I started to have bad dreams about Christian every night.
I woke up on the floor in the bathroom of our house. I was bleeding from both of my wrists, and I had shirts tied around both of my arms. I will never speak to Jenny again, but she saved my life that night. If it hadn’t have been for her, I would not be here today. I will never try to take my own life again....